The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
