mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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