we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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