I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
