dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
