Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
