Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
