Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
