So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Terrible idea I love it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
