OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
