my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
