What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
