Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
