We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
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So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
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she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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