At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
