I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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the ceiling is raining jello shotss
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
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Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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