the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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