somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
