This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
