I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
