my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He felt like a one man threesome
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
