i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
