I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
