This girl is more easily done than said...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
