Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
