i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just gift wrapped bread.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
