the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
