we're blogging at a bar
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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