I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
