and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
