I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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