just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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