the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
