Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
