im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Randomize
