I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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