Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
