Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
