When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
