I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
