Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
