Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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