Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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