my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
