i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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