You're earring is so big in my mouth
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I want a musical about memes.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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