I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
