Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
