If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
