just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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