omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
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although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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