The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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