If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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