after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
