no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
