I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
