His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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