I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
