Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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