Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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