She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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