dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
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When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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