$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
