The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
