I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
