i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
