I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
