My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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