she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
