What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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