Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Im part way to drunk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How drunk are you?
Completed.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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