How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
